rural's guide to being a man

My Rachel

2008-11-09T13:57:00.001-08:00

So, after the last post, I moved to Utah and got my mission call to Armenia. However, I have something very pressing to speak of:

I am by nature a very emotionally aloof person. I have a few close friends who I am very loyal to, but I have never found the need to have a person I can really open up to. Although some have tried to crack me, the feeling was never there, and I have never been able to truly open myself to someone. I don't know if it was my intelligence that set me apart from others or my experiences, but for whatever reason, I have lived a primarily lonely and distant life. At times I would feel lost, but I never found enough reason or a path to change, so I kept withdrawing from the world.

All of that changed some time ago, because for the last few months I have had the privilege of dating a special Ms. Rachel Little. The warmth and kindness of her personality draws me out in ways I never, until now, thought that I could have been. I feel a sort of friendship or kinship that extends beyond the few months we've been able to know each other, and she has made me happy in ways that no other being has been able to. It is not just her manner of treating me that inspires my adoration, though; she is beautiful beyond compare, she is brilliant and dedicated to learning, she is charitable and kind to others, she is funny and a blast to hang out with, she has a voice which is (to me) both enticing and stirring, she's great to my friends, she's interested in the same things as I am, she has one heck of a pair of hips, she truly understands and loves me, and perhaps most importantly, she makes sandwiches just how I like them any time I want.

Because of these reasons and so many many more, with all the meaning I can muster and more truthfully than even I know, I love Rachel Little. Every bit of me that can feel feels for her and every moment I am alive she resides in the deepest, most intrinsic parts of my cognition.

I'm really glad I've been blessed with such an amazing lady. Happy TwoMonthiversary, babe. Sorry about the timing of everything, and that I won't be able to see you for quite some time, but it will be over before you know it and I will be back in your arms.

gain wash

2008-08-19T01:49:00.000-07:00

I take listening to music very seriously, but this makes me move through music very slowly. Although I've been a fan of Deftones for years, I just started giving them a serious listen, and they almost personify exactly the kind of sound I'd like to produce in my own band. Most of the stuff I play and write currently is more bluesy and funky, which has been my home compositionally on the guitar for about a year and a half now... but the kind of heavy, high-gain sound wash that blankets your ears is the sound I've had in my head for years and years that I've been trying to approach. Some of the earlier stuff I have recorded from when I was 14 or 15 is very similar to this kind of sound, but my appreciation for modern music wasn't mature enough yet to traverse the musical avenues I wanted to. Most of the chord changes and progressions were very boring and nondescript.

Now that I am older and I have a much broader sense and understanding of music I find myself wanting to return to this sound in my compositions. This is also inspired by my finding the Depreciation Guild, which has been my favorite band for about a month now since I found them (I can't get their songs out of my head; a couple of the songs are just PERFECT). Although they have very distinct differences and moods the commonalities between these two bands is the kind of place I'd like to explore.

So like I'm really not so pretentious. It's just that when I am in a rush to write something I resort to being needlessly wordy. I swear. Don't hate me :(

ps: plz 2 buy for me this sweatshirt
seriously I love the night so much it aches my hearts. i i i i i aaam a loser (but i still love the night time above all other things)

Goodnight.

HOLY CRAP

2008-08-18T02:41:00.001-07:00

I LIKE TETRIS

ryan is a physics instructor

2008-08-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, Dallas County Commissioner for District 3 Mr. John Wiley Price, in a fit of uneducated anger, became upset during a televised meeting about Dallas County traffic tickets because another man, Dallas County Commissioner for District 4 Mr. Kenneth Mayfield, used the term "black hole" as a figure of speech.

Seen here:

Later, he was interviewed on the meeting and insinuates that presumably scientists named black holes what they did because they were raised in a racist culture.

Seen here:

I decided to call him and inform him that he was incorrect, but he wasn't in his office as it was a saturday, so I left a message stating that black referred to the absence of visible colors, so black holes being devoid of light made them literally black.

Also, I am eh.

today was heavy

2008-08-16T02:54:00.001-07:00

Like, real heavy. I locked my keys in my car for the first time today and I got my amp and Les Paul back from Casey's. My jamming lately has been getting lots more interesting and creative. Today was also a heavy day emotionally. Heavy heavy.

Also, I'm not sure how I should do my hair. I think I'm going to keep it real short from now on. I dunno. I like long hair but I don't know if it looks good on me.

death to pillows

2008-08-14T14:29:00.001-07:00

This morning I awoke from my action packed killin' dream to me engaging my pillow in a rear naked choke. After about 5 seconds I released my pillow letting it slump, unconscious, onto my bed. My dream about purchasing a fender jaguar (seen to the right) apparently descended somewhere into a dream about stealth combat.

Music is probably the most important thing in my life. Most of my time each day is spent actively listening to music or finding new music, but I spend a good portion every day playing guitar. I'm interested in lots of styles, but I generally have a funky blues-rock sound with influences from jazz and traditional middle eastern music. Currently I play an Epiphone Les Paul that I've just about grown out of. Most of my playing is improvised and although I don't know many other people's songs, I can usually figure it out in less than 5 minutes enough to teach my friends what they'd like to know. I don't play rhythm often, but when I do, I generally go with a different musical direction, like more dreamy ethereal shoegazy stuff. This was really amplified when I found my new favorite band, The Depreciation Guild, which has very shimmery crashing ambient rhythm guitar supporting it.

It's taken a long time for me to 'find myself', both musically and tonally. I was a musical virgin besides classical music until I was 12 years old, and after that I discovered bands through the internet and not from friends. In an effort to expand my musical tastes I accidentally hurt my sense of quality and I had trouble really enjoying music since there wasn't any music that really hurt my ears for a while. I've grown to be more discerning, however, and my songwriting and guitar playing has improved because of it. Because of this, although I support people finding new music, I generally encourage people to formulate deeper opinions about the kinds of music they already listen to before moving on to new types of music. Some people, like my friend Eugene, venture into esoteric cliquey genres like electronica, but I didn't want to get into that. I know that some mainstream music is really good, but I had to develop a greater level of musical awareness than just comfort in order to determine whether or not something is genuinely good.

That sounds stupid, but it's exactly the way I feel about the way I listen to music. Listening to music is a very active process for me. I try to think about each piece of music I listen to, investigating why I like it or don't, and I keep extensive notes about certain pieces I feel the need to pay special attention to. I'll write more about my process and some favorite music later.

For now,

morning and exercise routines

2008-08-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

I was just rudely awoken by a dream about spiders. I like spiders, but these guys were rude and did not follow rules of common decency. The nerve!

One of the cooler things someone can do is get into super good awesome tip top shape. You feel better, look better, can do more things, and I believe (perhaps erroneously, but I refuse to do the research that will prove me wrong) that it helps you think better. I've been working out a long time, but not consistently enough where I am a huge hulking manbeast. When I was 7 I did pushups just about every day. When I was 13, I could curl 130 pounds (that's TEN POUNDS for every YEAR :O) and I had a pretty good body when I was 15. When I started working a full time job and going through girlfriends constantly, I stopped exercising and due to insomnia and muscle atrophy lost a lot of strength and definition - but I'm exercising again, consistently.

After about a month I'm comfortable repping 100 pounds curling, which as the one statistic I tracked as a kid, is what I am using to benchmark how good of shape I'm in compared to my younger self. I started doing pullups and chinups for a workout I enjoyed more that also engaged the back and shoulders more. Since I'm lazy, I use the 100 pounds barbell for everything - deadlifts, squats and military presses. As much as I love working my shoulders, I would rather bench as I'm worried about being fit in my arms, back, shoulders, and legs, with a very weak chest. I started doing pushups to alleviate this concern, but I don't really feel the burn the way I do with other exercises, even when I work to exhaustion.

A problem that has plagued me throughout my life is tiny wrists. Strengthwise and pertaining to size it's the weakest link of the chain. Although my fingers are short, I've always had nimble and very muscular hands. As of a couple years ago, I'm developing pretty formidable forearms, but my wrists still are tinier than the girl I'm dating right now (who happens to be skinny - my credo in life is "no fat girls"). I've done wrist curls on and off, and tried forearm exercises, but my wrists would always make these weird popping noises and I was worried I was hurting them, and if I used smaller weights I never felt like I was working them out. However, in a fit of genius the other day, I invented the perfect workout for my wrists, and they feel great. Presenting the Ryan White Wrist Workout (like anything I do, very poorly planned and put together): Obtain one mic stand; I suppose a sledgehammer could work, but that's for people who actually do things. My workout consists of gripping the top of the mic stand with a thumbs down gesture and rotating it to the thumbs up position until I can't lift it anymore, at which point I move my hand further down the mic stand to make it easier until I've made it as easy as I can and my wrists are burning. The second phase to my workout is doing the wrist portion of a hammer curl while I keep my arm perpendicular to the ground, continuing the pattern of starting at the end and working towards the mic stand as my muscles give out. It's only been a week, and although in my wishful thoughts they look a little big bigger and stronger (ha) one development shows that the workouts are helping for sure. When I moved my wrist all the way back or all the way forward it used to give a little satisfying snapping popping feeling which I always felt was unhealthy and now it doesnt. I also feel like my pullups and chinups are easier, which could be bicep and back growth, but I don't think so. It's good to know I've found something that works.

I want to buy a punching bag, but I'm considering travelling soon, and I'd like the money to spend on getting places and eating to stay alive.

Well, that was the most boring thing ever. What a stupid way to start your day.

Also, listen to these musics:

this are a blog

2008-08-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

I am writing this blog for several reasons. First, my writing is terrible now, and I feel that it's an offense against God and man to be a bad writer. Second, I'm the baddest mother in the world, and I think others could benefit from my experience. Third, I want to document my life so that I can remember interesting occurrences better.

When it boils down to it though, it's really just that I need something to do in lieu of a job. I've chosen unemployment for a variety of reasons. I'm obviously lazy, but it's also that I despise so many things that a job stands for, such as being tied down to one place and a strict schedule, having to fill out paperwork and live by formal rules, and actually doing things.

To introduce myself to people who do not know me: I am Ryan White, I am 19 years old as of February 8th 2008, I am 6'1 and weigh 180 pounds, I am in pretty good shape, I am a musician on the guitar/piano/violin/accordion, and my interests are primarily finding good music and listening to it and being awesome. I like to go on adventures and I have a bad habit of womanizing, but I just started a relationship that I'm happy in, so that's been put on hold for the time being. I like milk, pie, and sushi. I started attending university full time (for a BS in Comp Sci) at the age of 12, but I stopped going to classes by my mid teens, because being responsible and smart is lame, and pizza + not doing things is sweet. I am occasionally a jerk and very honest and prone to criticize, but people confuse this with negativity- I am actually very optimistic.

So yeah.